I have always been afraid that people wouldn't like me if they knew what was wrong with me,,,
I have always been afraid that people wouldn’t like me if they knew what was wrong with me. I was afraid that friends would abandon me or treat me differently if they knew that I was broken on the inside.
One of the most difficult lessons that I have ever learned is that we were created to be free. We were made to share openly and to be honest with one another. My truest friends have spent time in the dark places of my life. They have seen the broken and dead places in me. They help me bring life and light. They encourage me. They see ALL of the fruit of my life (good and bad). My friends love me anyway.
When I walk the dark path of part of my past, it always feels crippling. It feels like despair and darkness may overcome me. I journey through memories that I should never have yet they stand as cold monuments of pain. Over time, the journey has become less painful. I have shared the pain with others and strangely, God has healed us. I say us, because healing happens in my heart, but also in the hearts of those who stand with me.
I understand the power of God’s healing and the intensity of His call on my life. My journey is to see myself rightly and fall more in love with Jesus than myself. I am made in God’s image but I am also broken by sin. God sent Jesus to heal my brokenness. In this healing, and this healing alone am I set free. I take my brokenness in the waters of God’s grace. I go under as a dead man but come out clean and new.
I am still afraid I will be abandoned by people (working on this one) but I am no longer afraid God will look at me with disgust. I know that God loved me in the depths of my brokenness. God loved me completely even when I didn’t love him back. God loved me when I had no plans of loving him. God loved me when I hated myself. God loves me in my sin, brokenness and weakness. God loves you too, even if you don’t love Him back.
A Prayer from Jake Palmer,
“Jesus, we need transparency. We need to stop out of the shadows. We need the freedom to live out the strength and glory you have given us rather than live the lies about ourselves that we have swallowed. We need to see who we are on the inside. We need to see that we have put so much worth on the outside that is dying from the moment we were born. We need to look past the costume we wear and share what is inside. We need to be ok with our broken, damaged, cracked self. We need to see it and live from it.
We need to tell others about the good we see in them. You God have changed me but there are days I still struggle with what happened to me. There are days where I forget I am only wearing a costume and that this costume no longer defines me. This is why we need to continue to speak truth to each other. We need to tell those around us about the strength and glory inside them that they can’t see for themselves. Bring us that truth, Lord. Open our eyes, and grant us strength to live our lives with freedom. So be it.”
My prayer is that you will not pretend to be perfect. I pray that you will be free and help others be free in Jesus. Dive deep into the waters of grace.
James 5:16, John 8:36, 2 Corinthians 3:17